Lord...Please make the fear go away!

Gavin,

 

I have noticed lately that you have a lot more fear of being alone. You have been afraid to go to the bathroom, fall asleep, and even go in the next room (where I can still see you and you can see me) with out someone. I pray that the Lord meet you where you are because I am not sure how to deal with this. I get frustrated because it seems so silly to me. However I can totally relate because I had a lot of fear when I was younger. Fear for me was spiritual and not until I was older, maybe in elementry school. I pray that me leaving your dad was not the root of this fear. I pray that if it is I can get you appropriate guidance to get out of this fear.

 

To be honest I feel like my divorce with your dad did have something to do with this fear. You were never like this before I left. And for that I totally feel like I failed you. I hate that. I pray that as you grow you will know that I left your dad in hope that I could be healthy for me as much as for you. Seriously... I did think about why I was leaving, I lemented over it and I weighed the pros and cons about it..... I knew if I didn't leave I wouldn't be the best mom I could be because I couldn't be the best ME that I could be.

 

I love you Gavin and everything I do, all the decisions I make have you in mind. I pray every day that my decisions in this matter will not harm you. I should rephrase that.... I pray every day that all the decisions I make will not harm you in any way. I pray that you will see how much I love you and really take into consideration the best for you, my son.

 

You are my world, I pray you feel that. I pray that you know I am not perfect and that you know I am striving to be the best mom I can be. I pray that the Lord take your fear away....but I also pray that He takes my fear away.... Fear that you will be angry with me because I chose what I chose... Fear that I am not doing things the best I can... I have so much Fear.......Fear is cripling... Hope is life giving.... I HOPE you can see my heart for you and my love for you. As much fear as I have I have the same amount of hope for you, for me, and for our future.

 

JeSuS gIvEs Me HoPe....ThE eNeMy GiVeS mE fEaR.....

 

I cHoOsE  hOpE!!!

 

 

 

Healing Begins

By 10th Ave North

 

"...So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

 

This is where the healing begins, ohThis is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

 

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear...

...So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

 

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark"