Gavin,
I sit here today writing to you never hoping I'd be here... Less than two weeks from the divorce being finalized. This nightmare finally over however this starts a new possibly more difficult chapter in our lives. I want to tell you something, my beautiful...funny...loving..sweet and all around amazing boy...
I NEVER WANTED THIS FOR YOU!
I never wanted to make you share your time between your parents.
I never hoped this for you.
NEVER!
NEVER!!
NEVER!!!
Even though I never wanted these things to be reality I realized how necessary they were for me, and you. So I had to do the hard thing the thing I sometimes wonder was the right choice. But I know I'm a better momma, I'm a better person, I'm a healthier soul.
It was for you,
and it was for me...
In hopes of a emotionally healthier life!
I hope one day you can see that! I have faith that you will!
I wanted your parents together..
I wanted you to have the parents that stuck together.
However I couldn't provide that for you.
For that I'm SO sorry.
So, to the quote at the top.... "Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful"
There's a lesson in this heartache.... NO one's life is perfect! SO...what will you choose to do with this heartache? Will you choose to embrace the pain and make it your crutch for why things are so terrible? or will you tell yourself you will make life wonderful through the pain? Will you allow yourself to be a victim? or will you rise above and say to yourself "I may not have gotten exactly what I needed from my parents, or hoped for when it comes to their relationship, but I know I was loved, I know both my parents wanted me, I know they tried their best to show me that" and move FORWARD without looking back!?
Please PLEASE choose the second choice... I pray you choose moving FORWARD instead of looking backwards....
Make your life simply wonderful by the people you surround yourself with, by the choices you make EVERY DAY, choose to love and not hate, choose to try new wonderful foods. CHOOSE JESUS and not EVIL. CHOOSE PEACE not STRIFE! ChOoSe GoOd never looking to the terrible. Choose to smile when you feel like frowning. Choose outside instead of T.V... choose difficult instead of easy. make something with your hands and imaginiation instead of not seeing the possibilities because you are stuck in front of a screen.
You have the choices, you choose...
Whatever you choose,
I will be here.
I will love you...
even if that love is
tough love.
I will be here,
I will love you...
even if that love is in
silent prayer.
I will be here
I will love you
Even when that means
LaUgHtEr
sMiLeS
and silly
humor.
I will be here..
I will love you forever
and I'll never let you go!
<3 always,
Mom
